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Some of My Favroite Quotes

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The reverse side also has a reverse side.

We're friends, you laugh, I laugh, you cry, I cry, you jump off a bridge, I get in my boat and save your stupid ass!

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. [JFK]

Income tax has made more liars out of people than golf has.

The difference between genius and insanity is that genius has its limits.

Be who you are and say what you mean because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Don't make me come down there. [God]

My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

If you are calm and relaxed while those around you are panicing - obviously you do not know what is going on.

It's all fun and games, until someone calls the cops. Then it's a new game; hide and seek.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Just remember if the world didn't suck we would all fall off.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

I think people who have faults are a lot more interesting than people who are perfect.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Why should you not take life very seriously? You will never get out of it alive.

Life is what happens when you are making other plans.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you're finished.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. So I went to Mexico and got a fish and a tat.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

More below.....


The fish and the tattoo

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If you have any quotes that fit the tone of the page please send then to me.